Yesterday

Yesterday was one of those days where I would have given anything for Nathan to come walking through that door at 4:00. From the moment we woke up to the moment we went to bed things were difficult. I miss having...

• An extra set of hands to help with the girls. I can't even imagine when they are both mobile. Piper, listen to your mom and take your time learning how to crawl. Piper seems to be more physically demanding while Mac is more mentally draining.

• An extra set of hands to help with the house. I'm not going to lie, there's crap everywhere. The rule in the house is that Mac can watch a TV show in the morning and again at night when I'm putting Piper to bed. If she has any more than that she gets all annoying and whiny. Good rule equals messy house. Once both the girls are in bed I am exhausted and have NO energy. All I can do is sit on the couch and watch reality TV shows.

• Another adult to have a real conversation with. Yesterday (and pretty much everyday) I had to listen to Mackenzie explain to me how "we are smart....like nachos" and answer a million questions like "Can we pet humpback whales?" See what I mean about mentally draining? All. Day. LONG! Don't get me wrong, I love hearing the stuff that comes out of her mouth and it provides me with cheap entertainment. However, I could use a conversation that doesn't revolve around the animal kingdom, Dora, her next birthday or Halloween treats.

Did I forget anything? Oh yeah, Happy 235th Birthday to the United States Marine Corps! I wouldn't put up with this lifestyle for anyone else.

And just for fun here is Piper trying to tell me to stop putting her in the swing. One time I found her sleeping like this.

Lets Be Honest

Nathan has been gone for two months now. I've struggled with whether or not I wanted to make this journey public or keep it private in a journal. I came to the conclusion that we have so many people supporting us through prayer, care packages, trips to NC, out of the blue phone calls, and letters that it only seems fair to keep these loved ones informed.

The past two months have been a whirlwind. I could tell you about Hurricane Earl that almost happened the week Nathan left. Or I could tell you about the beach vacation we had originally planned to take during block leave and how my mom and Aunt came down to make sure that beachfront room didn't go to waste. I could tell you that I was moved to tears when we returned home from our beach getaway to see a package from my long time friend, Jillian, with books inside for Mackenzie that touched on military related topics. I could tell you how my super busy and 21 weeks pregnant, sister-in-law flew down and literally played with Mackenzie for three days straight. And then there's the recent trip to Atlanta where we were welcomed by my in-laws. I could tell you how Piper was the most perfect baby during our 10 hour drive home or how we got locked out of the car less than an hour away from the driveway. I could tell you how Mackenzie has struggled with her dad's absence and how Piper reminds me of him on a daily basis. I could tell you how proud I am of my husband that chooses to serve his country.

From here on this will serve as my journal. I can't promise there will always be something interesting to read, but it will be here nonetheless. Thank you to those that have reached out to us during this time, it means the world to our family.

Where I Should Be

When I returned home from our Indiana trip I had full intentions of going back to teaching this school year. I knew it would be crazy with Nathan gone, but we've done crazy around here before and we all survived...barely. I started checking out the infant room Piper would be spending her day in and the three year old room Mac would be moving up into after her birthday. Something didn't feel right but I pushed it aside and figured it would just take some getting use to.

I talked with Mackenzie's teachers about the right time to transition her to the new room and explained my concerns. Nathan deploys the end of September and I didn't want her to feel like all the people she knows and loves are leaving her. Dad leaves me (for a REALLY long time) to go to work, mom leaves me to go to work and now all new teachers? I started to question my decision to return to work.

Work....that's what didn't feel right. I never really wanted to be a stay at home mom. I worked after having Mackenzie, I worked after staying home with Mac when we first moved here, why wouldn't I work after having Piper? This was different, I can't explain how strongly I felt about staying home. The intensity almost surprised me. After discussing it with my husband, we decided this is where I should be. At home, with the girls.

Yes, things will be different in terms of how we spend our money. We will be driving more than flying, we will be finding free things to do in our community, we WILL stick to our budget. I'm okay with that. Now I get to spend my days with these two lovely girls and actually be there for them during what will be one of our most difficult years. I know it won't be all hugs and kisses and I'm okay with that too. We've already had our fair share of strange events that only happen when your husband is gone.

I handed in my letter of resignation last week and I would like to say it was emotional, but it wasn't. I walked out of the building with a new sense of freedom. It felt like I finally did something for myself. I want to thank our families for their support during this decision making process. And I especially want to thank my husband for listening, understanding and encouraging me to take this step.

**I have NO problem with moms that choose to work. I was and will be again a working mom. I don't think daycare is evil or a bad thing, I'm really going to miss Mackenzie's daycare. This decision reflects where our family is at the moment.

Piper Michelle Miller

On April 19th at 11:15pm, the Miller family welcomed Piper Michelle into the world. Nathan, Mackenzie and I had spent the day running some last minute errands before my mom came into town. Around 7:30pm I started having contractions, which was not alarming at first since I had been experiencing them for the past 4 weeks. Around 8:00 I thought it might be a good idea to start timing them, which never actually happened because they were coming so fast. We called Mac's babysitter and once she was picked up we made our way to the hospital.

It took about 20 minutes to get to the hospital, we didn't talk much on the way there other than a simple prayer. Once we checked in and were sent up to Labor and Delivery I found out I was 8 cm dilated. When the nurse told me this news, I wanted to cry because I realized my chance of getting that epidural was slim to none. Fortunately, my contractions were so intense that I couldn't dwell on this minor detail for long. However, I vaguely recall telling the doctor that I could hold the baby in and wait for the drugs. I also tried negotiating with the nurse for her to just leave me alone. Really? What was I thinking?


After 20 minutes of pushing and the most extreme pain I've ever felt in my life Piper was born! She weighed in at 8.5 and was 21 inches long. We were about 97% sure of the name, but wanted to see her before making it official. Piper looks so much like her big sister when she was born.

Nathan was simply amazing, I couldn't have done it without him. He was my rock, he kept me calm during all of the chaos. I can't thank him enough for being there. Forgive me if it sounds too simple, but he was scheduled to be gone during this time. He is going to miss many "firsts" throughout the next year, but he was able to be there the day his second daughter was born.

So far, Piper is the complete opposite of Mackenzie. She prefers to be held, sleeps well and is easily calmed. Mackenzie is adjusting well to her new sister and loves to help out. That's not to say she doesn't have her dramatic moments, but she was having those before Piper arrived on the scene.

Don't Worry

This little girl has been very busy entertaining us lately.

I don't even know what to say about the first video.

The second video is Mac singing a Bob Marley-Brown Bear, Brown Bear remix.

The Diva Goes Hiking

The weather down here has been great the past couple weeks. It's off and on, so we take advantage of the warm days knowing it's not normal to have a high of 68 degrees in January. Last week when I was sitting in the doctor's office for my three hour glucose test Nathan took Mac on a hike. I ended up passing the test and when I got home Mac was very excited to tell me about everything she saw.
We decided to take her out again this morning and she did great. She made a request for her sunglasses, even though it was cloudy, and smiled saying "Sunny don't get me." As soon as she saw me with my camera she asked if I was going to take her picture and started smiling before I could answer. This is highly unusual as I am normally found chasing her down or bribing her with candy for a shot.

Mac loved taking the lead on the path, exploring various items found on the ground and searching for animals. She was really fitting the part and snacked on beef jerky. Nathan and I were discussing how salty it tasted when she chimed in saying, "It tastes so salsy." Of course I laughed and then we heard it 10 more times. I love her sense of adventure, it is calculated, not reckless.

Catch Up

The Miller family traveled up to Indiana for Christmas vacation. The first three days were more like a nightmare as we sat in traffic for a total of 18 hours. Next time we'll pay closer attention to the weather and hopefully avoid blizzard conditions.

Mackenzie enjoyed Christmas more than ever this year. She woke up everyone in the house with a sweet Merry Christmas that sounded more like "Hairy Hismass." Mac was in no hurry to open up gifts and insisted on playing with each new toy before moving on to the next.

I tried to savor every moment of this holiday season knowing that Nathan would not be here next year. I opened up the paper on Christmas morning to find an article about a mother who has three sons and her husband serving in the military. All four family members were deployed during the holiday season. I cried for her and all of the other families missing someone during this time of year.

Mackenzie spent some time playing in the snow when were home. She loved it and would have stayed out there all day.

Mackenzie has officially moved out of her crib and into a big girl bed. I fully anticipated her to be up and down all night, but so far it's been a breeze. We'll see if it lasts.

Happy Halloween

We'll keep this short and sweet, Mackenzie loved dressing up,

trick-or-treating, and the stuffing her face with candy!

Ouch

Mackenzie woke up crying around 5:00am. I lay in bed listening to the monitor for a few minutes until I realize that she has no plans of falling back to sleep on her own. I walked into her room and the first word out of her mouth is "Daddy?" Nathan has been gone for a little over a week and we are feeling it.

I took her into the bedroom with me and she proceeded to tell me that "Daddy go bye-bye." It's breaking my heart. Despite being up two hours earlier than normal, she had a good day at school (or so that's what they tell me). On the way home Mackenzie started chanting "See Daddy!"

I realized today that Mackenzie truly believes that Daddy is still in town and they just keep missing each other. How I wish that were the case. Hurry home Daddy.

Who takes priority?

It was nearly two years ago that Nathan and I sat on our front porch with a bottle of wine discussing our future with the Marine Corps. It was a fall night and we could hear one of the local football games being held in the distance. We were settling into our new role as parents, Mackenzie was only a few months old. I remember looking at Nathan, most likely through teary eyes, asking him how he would make our family a priority if he went back in. I had no concept of military life, but it seemed miserable. He had a great answer, I just can't remember it because I was busy refuting everything he said in my mind. It was during this conversation that I began to feel that anxious, nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach because I knew this was the path we would take. So who does take priority these days? Well, most of the time we do. What I didn't understand that night sitting on the front porch is the amount of pride I would feel towards my husband, the military and our country. While this doesn't make up for the time spent apart, it does make it a little easier. Nathan gives 110% to this family, all the time. There are trips to the pool, trips to the park, trips to the aquarium, trips to the beach, trips to the grocery store. And if the trips weren't enough, there are endless refills of juice, numerous episodes of Dora, books before bed, Hello Kitty bandaids, and the list goes on. I guess he does know what he's talking about every now and then.

Someone please remind me to read this post in a few months when he's gone.

Girly Girl?

It's been a long time since I've seen Mac looking so girly and I love it. The headband lasted about 3 minutes, but I'll take what I can get. Nathan's parents are in town for a visit and my daughter has turned into the little entertainer. Anytime Grandpa is in the room she falls to the floor and waits for him to "check" on her to see if she is okay. She has also been eating like a grown man and mornings wouldn't be the same if she didn't ask for a hot dog before 9:00am. Her favorite person in the world right now would be her dad; they truly have a special bond. Nathan had to work this morning and you could see the disappointment on her face when she walked around the entire house looking for him. Sorry kid, you're stuck with mom.

This and That

It feels like so much has been going on, but when I sit down to write about it, I can't seem to think of anything important. Mackenzie and I are currently in Florida visiting Nathan. We made it a whole three weeks at Cherry Point before deciding to leave. I know some people would just tough it out, but I realized that if we have the opportunity to be together as a family, we need to take it. Next time we are apart will probably be for a deployment and getting the fam together then won't really be an option. Military families spend so much time apart and I'm learning just how stressful it can be.

When Mackenzie saw Nathan she didn't really want anything to do with him. It made us both a little sad. She was very clingy and acted annoyed when Nathan and I were sitting next to each other. Mac would position herself in between us or on top of my lap. Their relationship is so important to me and I want to do everything I can to help foster it, but she's still too young to discuss Daddy. What to do, what to do.

Nathan, Mackenzie and I went to the beach this afternoon. I watched as father and daughter ran around in the sand and everything felt right. I love the beach, it's the one place I can go and forget about every worry. I probably had a smile on my face the entire time. I hope I never forget this afternoon.

See those animals Mac has in her hands? She is OBSESSED with these things. We have found ourselves strategizing on how to get them away from her without a full blown tantrum. Distraction is usually the best route. Sometimes I'll find her playing with them and they will be kissing or she will kiss them, or they will kiss one of her other barn yard animals. Kissing is big right now, I also saw her trying to make the crayons kiss.

Home at Last

Well, we're back home from our 7 week road trip. It was great seeing family and friends, and now I am looking forward to settling down in North Carolina. I have a huge list of things to do, boring things, like finding a pediatrician, signing Mac up for daycare, scheduling the move. Blah, blah, blah, the list goes on and on.

Something happened tonight that really pulled at my heart. Mackenzie and I were taking the dog out when our neighbor was getting home from work. I didn't pay much attention to him since I was juggling the dog and Mac. As he walked up the drive way, Mackenzie about jumped out of my arms. She started yelling, "Daddy! Daddy!" When I set her down she marched right across our yard and into their driveway, the neighbor was already inside, thank goodness. As I took her hand and walked her back to our house she started crying; she thought I was keeping her from seeing her Daddy! My heart ached and still does. How do I explain to a 16 month-old that her Dad is in Florida and we'll see him next month? I wanted to cry with her, tell her I understand how she feels and that it's okay to miss him. But since she has no concept of time or place, we did the next best thing-went inside and built a tower out of blocks.

Onto some Mackenzie happenings, a much more uplifting topic. Her new behaviors include...

1) Shaking her finger at mom, dad, or anyone when they do something she doesn't like. It started with her doing it to the dog and has now transferred over to us. The little girl next door got real close to Mac today and she started waving that finger around.

2) Anytime we are somewhere that she doesn't want to be, she starts saying "bye-bye" and heads for the door. She did this twice today, once at the housing office and again when we walked through the new house.

3) She literally asks for a cookie or "doodie" 25 times a day.

4) For some reason the rooster on the toy barn (not to be confused with our real barn) really irritates her.

5) Mackenzie will always yell "MA" when she is climbing on something. I don't know if she is proud or just wants to see my reaction.

Christmas Eve Fun followed by an Early Christmas Morning

Good morning and Merry Christmas from the Miller family!

As you may, or may not know, we are spending Christmas in Atlanta this year. Yesterday was the first day everyone was here. I asked Nathan how he would describe Mac with all the attention she has been getting and he answered with "off the hook." She seems to thrive off all the chaos and will do anything to get a laugh. We went to the Christmas Eve church service and left Mackenzie in childcare. She was fine when I left, but in absolute tears when I got there. I could hear her crying as I walked up to the door. I imagine she became upset when she stopped playing, looked around the room and realized she didn't know anyone. Poor thing, I need to leave her daycare more often.

Couch surfing with Uncle Andy!

After church we came home and geared up for a night of games. Boys vs. Girl and let me tell you, this never ends well. The game was a name game and difficult to explain, so I will spare you the details. The girls never seem to win and I would give anything to beat my husband, just once. He's so obnoxious about winning. The girls lost, twice. Maybe next time?

Typical Miller behavior.

Carrie and Mandy

Dinner took an extra 2 hours to cook, so we ended up eating around 9:30. My husband tried and tried to get Carrie or Andy to eat this lovely piece of chicken skin. And in case you're wondering, yes, I am married to a 10 year old.

We also celebrated Mandy's birthday, she turned the big 2-5!

Mackenzie must have been excited about Santa coming because she woke up at 5:30! I put her in bed with us and she proceeded to roll around for a good hour, but then decided it would be more fun to actually go downstairs to play.

She was back in bed by 9:00 for a morning nap.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Nail Polish and Snow

Has anyone stopped laughing at that picture of Nathan yet? Me either! I am a little nervous though because he vowed revenge on me.

In my last post I mentioned that Mac has some sneaky moments, well, this is what I found her doing this morning.....

Look at that face! It says, "I know I shouldn't be doing this."

Mackenzie had her first real snow experience on Sunday. She loved eating the snow until her hands froze up. The whole thing lasted a total of 5 minutes. Next time we'll be ready with mittens.

That mom

Before I had Mac, and even during my pregnancy, I vowed to myself that I wasn't going to turn into that mom that went out in public looking like she just weathered a tornado. I remember telling Nathan, "I don't understand these women, having a kid doesn't mean you can't put on a matching outfit and still get your hair cut every now and then." Little did I know that having a baby/toddler changes EVERYTHING! It's not that I'm just now realizing this, but as Mackenzie enters the next phase of her life, she is getting to be a sneaky little thing. I certainly don't have time to try on 3 different outfits before leaving the house, nor do I have the time to make sure the back of my hair is straightened just right. And makeup, well, that's for special occasions now.

Last week I had the chance to go to the mall without Mackenzie, and I practically ran out of the house, excited to be alone for a couple hours. It was great, I walked around, enjoyed the holiday decorations, took my time trying on clothes. Not until I was getting ready to leave did I realize that I had macaroni and cheese stuck to the front of my sweatshirt. WHAT?? Had I walked around the entire mall wearing mac n' cheese noodles? Yep, I sure did.



Have I turned into THAT mom?


Oh well, if I'm going to be THAT mom, looks like Nathan can be THAT dad!

Happy Anniversary!

November 18th, 2006, Nathan and I were married

November 18th, 2007, Nathan and I celebrated our anniversary and decided he would apply for Officer Candidate School.

Today, I am celebrating alone with a glass of wine and the flowers my hubby sent.

I am actually okay with the situation, I need to get my feet wet as a military wife and it almost feels like a right of passage. The military has completely changed my perspective on relationships. I can't get hung up on things like a missed anniversary or missed birthday. What's the point? I value the time we do get to spend together, the moments between a father and daughter, the moments that make us a family.

I have selected a few of my favorite pictures from our wedding day.

On a separate note, I checked my hotmail account today and found a newsletter from milblogging.com. I actually found several of them, but was drawn to one in particular. There is a military family in need of prayer and support. While serving in Afghanistan, Captain Rob Yllescas was severely injured by an IED. This family is in the beginning stages of a very long journey. His wife has started a blog to keep family and friends updated. Take a look if you have a chance. http://yllescasfamily.blogspot.com