Ouch

Mackenzie woke up crying around 5:00am. I lay in bed listening to the monitor for a few minutes until I realize that she has no plans of falling back to sleep on her own. I walked into her room and the first word out of her mouth is "Daddy?" Nathan has been gone for a little over a week and we are feeling it.

I took her into the bedroom with me and she proceeded to tell me that "Daddy go bye-bye." It's breaking my heart. Despite being up two hours earlier than normal, she had a good day at school (or so that's what they tell me). On the way home Mackenzie started chanting "See Daddy!"

I realized today that Mackenzie truly believes that Daddy is still in town and they just keep missing each other. How I wish that were the case. Hurry home Daddy.

Home at Last

Well, we're back home from our 7 week road trip. It was great seeing family and friends, and now I am looking forward to settling down in North Carolina. I have a huge list of things to do, boring things, like finding a pediatrician, signing Mac up for daycare, scheduling the move. Blah, blah, blah, the list goes on and on.

Something happened tonight that really pulled at my heart. Mackenzie and I were taking the dog out when our neighbor was getting home from work. I didn't pay much attention to him since I was juggling the dog and Mac. As he walked up the drive way, Mackenzie about jumped out of my arms. She started yelling, "Daddy! Daddy!" When I set her down she marched right across our yard and into their driveway, the neighbor was already inside, thank goodness. As I took her hand and walked her back to our house she started crying; she thought I was keeping her from seeing her Daddy! My heart ached and still does. How do I explain to a 16 month-old that her Dad is in Florida and we'll see him next month? I wanted to cry with her, tell her I understand how she feels and that it's okay to miss him. But since she has no concept of time or place, we did the next best thing-went inside and built a tower out of blocks.

Onto some Mackenzie happenings, a much more uplifting topic. Her new behaviors include...

1) Shaking her finger at mom, dad, or anyone when they do something she doesn't like. It started with her doing it to the dog and has now transferred over to us. The little girl next door got real close to Mac today and she started waving that finger around.

2) Anytime we are somewhere that she doesn't want to be, she starts saying "bye-bye" and heads for the door. She did this twice today, once at the housing office and again when we walked through the new house.

3) She literally asks for a cookie or "doodie" 25 times a day.

4) For some reason the rooster on the toy barn (not to be confused with our real barn) really irritates her.

5) Mackenzie will always yell "MA" when she is climbing on something. I don't know if she is proud or just wants to see my reaction.

Happy Anniversary!

November 18th, 2006, Nathan and I were married

November 18th, 2007, Nathan and I celebrated our anniversary and decided he would apply for Officer Candidate School.

Today, I am celebrating alone with a glass of wine and the flowers my hubby sent.

I am actually okay with the situation, I need to get my feet wet as a military wife and it almost feels like a right of passage. The military has completely changed my perspective on relationships. I can't get hung up on things like a missed anniversary or missed birthday. What's the point? I value the time we do get to spend together, the moments between a father and daughter, the moments that make us a family.

I have selected a few of my favorite pictures from our wedding day.

On a separate note, I checked my hotmail account today and found a newsletter from milblogging.com. I actually found several of them, but was drawn to one in particular. There is a military family in need of prayer and support. While serving in Afghanistan, Captain Rob Yllescas was severely injured by an IED. This family is in the beginning stages of a very long journey. His wife has started a blog to keep family and friends updated. Take a look if you have a chance. http://yllescasfamily.blogspot.com

A New Look

I've spent the past hour trying to update the look of our blog, it takes me a while to make decisions. It's not completely how I want it, but I have a feeling Mac will be waking up from her nap soon so I'm going to stop while I am ahead.

We dropped Nathan and his friend off at the airport this morning. It wasn't as emotional as I thought it would be since we're going to see each other in a few weeks for Thanksgiving. It seemed like every time I was about to cry Mackenzie was running away from us, climbing on something, yelling at the giant stuffed bear, or just being silly. Gotta love that girl. When Nathan entered the security line I told Mackenzie to wave good-bye to dad and she looked up at the 10 foot bear standing to the left of us and started to wave at it. Oh well, I tried.

One of Mackenzie's new tricks is going completely limp when she doesn't want to do something I want her to do. I noticed her doing this a few other times before today, but was hoping it was just a fluke....I was wrong. Give this girl a wide open space, like an airport, and she's off to explore. Whenever I tried to gently guide her back to our seats she would fall to the ground like a wet noodle. Thankfully she wasn't kicking and screaming, I'm sure she's saving that for later when we're in a really crowded mall.

The pictures were taken yesterday at the beach near our house. Cappy is a pretty lazy dog and will sleep about 95% of the day, but something gets into her at the beach and she's ready to play. She even wandered into the water a few times, tried to take a drink, and realized it was salty.

A day at the beach

I think Mackenzie's face shows exactly how I was feeling last Wednesday. We found out that Nathan was to check-in to ATC school on November 18th. Yikes! Not only is that our two year anniversary, it is about 2 months earlier than I was expecting. I'm trying not to be one of those "oh, poor me" kind of girls, so encouraging words are warmly accepted at this point. I knew he would be leaving again (and again, and again, and again) but I thought we would have a little time to meet people and familiarize ourselves with the area. Guess I'll be flying solo on this one.

Here are my observations of the base so far; not as many children as I expected, the playgrounds are usually empty, NO cell phone reception at our house, close to the beach, pretty laid back atmosphere, not a lot of places to shop other than the Super Wal-Mart. Oh, and the restaurant selection is limited, unless you like Bojangles' (famous for their Chicken 'n Biscuits). I think the base will grow on me as I meet more people and become involved with the programs here.

Despite the challenges our family faces, I am thankful for this life and the path we have taken. I feel myself changing, growing. I often have to remind myself that with great challenge, comes great reward. I believe this to be true and have already seen those rewards through relationships and new experiences. So, while the months ahead will be different than I had planned, I know we will be alright.

The pictures below were taken today. It's November and we went to the beach. That's crazy to me, can you tell we're from Indiana?

A Much Needed Phone Call

I spoke with DH last weekend and I can't describe how good it felt to hear his voice. He seems to be doing well and described this experience as the hardest thing he has ever done. I am so proud of him and the dedication he has to serve. I decided that this experience is also the hardest thing I have ever done. I welcome the challenge as it reminds me I am alive. I am finding strength and confidence I didn't know existed.

People at work are beginning to hear about the decision we made and I am getting comments like "that is so sad" or "I could never be alone with a small baby." Before DH even left, one guy told me, "that is a terrible decision, he doesn't want to do that." I've learned a lot about people that I thought I knew pretty well. Guess I can't be right all the time, despite trying. My response to these individuals have been, "No, it's not sad, it is the right decision for our family, but I'm glad to see you support our troops" and "Well, I hope your husband never leaves you and the kids then" and to the fellow offering up his two cents, "You have obviously never met my husband (and he hasn't) because anyone who really knows him would agree that this is his calling, thanks for the support." I am not asking anyone to understand our decision, but I am asking that you respect it. A huge thanks to everyone that has had kind, supportive words, it means more than you will ever know.

Onto the wild child.....MC is changing so much right now. She if finally feeling better and showing off her new skills such as screaming mama/dada, rocking out in her exersaucer (thanks to Aunt Jilly and Uncle Teague), eating rice cereal and pulling off her socks and sucking on them until they are soaked. This child has so much energy, I don't know how I am going to keep up with her. Here are a few recent pics of the babe. Here is the link to OCS, you can find recent photos of DH's platoon, he is with Company C. http://www.ocs.usmc.mil/

This was taken right before DH left, they kind of sleep the same, right?